Burning Down the House!

Another thrilling night, another thrilling weekend at the old homestead. Actually, tonight I’m at Cocoa Café on 9th South and 3rd East, and I have to say it’s one of the better places to sit with the iBook and write. Their coffee is by far the best I've had as of late.

Yesterday I sat at a four-way stop and waited for the light to turn green. That’s me, obeying the traffic laws, but there was one little problem. There was no light. It was just a four-way stop, you know, the stop sign kind of intersection. I sat there for a good ten minutes, completely lost in my head, wondering why it was one of the longest lights at which I’ve ever sat. Then it dawned on me there was no light, and that light was never going to turn green.

I pulled over for a bit and decided the whole incident was a metaphor for my life right now. Right now, I’m stopped at a four-way stop waiting for a nonexistent light that will never turn green. For a rainy weekend, this is decidedly somber. I needed something to boost my motivation, though despite everything my motivation has been somewhat decent. And what does one do when they need to clear out the demons and start anew?

Sage my apartment, boost my karma.

I finally went home last night, rejuvenated, as only five pints of Guinness can rejuvenate someone! I went straight to the fireplace where I stashed the sage I used when I first moved into my apartment. (For those who are New Age challenged, burning sage in one’s living space is supposed to change up the energy, and get rid of all the bad vibes. Sort of an exorcism, but without Linda Blair’s spinning head spewing pea soup.) You might be thinking, “Crazy little girl’s just got all that stuff hanging around?” I say, “Yep, right now is NOT the time to tempt karma.”

Except after a few beers equaling the consistency of motor oil, perhaps crazy girl shouldn’t be lighting dried bundles of weeds on fire. (“WeedS,” not “weed,” though right now anything might be helpful) True to form of being the most graceful klutz I know, I lit my hand on fire and proceeded to drop the flaming stuff onto my favorite Hello Kitty blanket. Remember in the 70s how acrylic bedding was a fire hazard? Apparently it’s still a fire hazard in the year 2006. In a flash, I threw open the patio door and tossed Burning Kitty outside and like a drunk idiot jumped on it—all while wearing slippers.

I managed to survive the incident without any burned bits, however I’m wondering if I’ve really messed up my karma by setting the whole sage bundle/blanket ablaze. I think my luck could’ve been worse—I had the blanket on a highly flammable, circa 1965 Naugahyde couch, and could’ve died in a flaming puddle of plastic. So what did I do?

I cried.

Last night I didn’t exorcise the demons, I created more, and only wondered further about being stopped at that four-way stop, waiting for the light to turn green. Like so many things right now, the situation could’ve been worse, but it’s certainly not great. I've had my dad my whole life to jump start me whenever I was stuck, but now I've got to hit the gas pedal on my own. I guess the scariest part is when I learn to do that, I can go in any direction. I just need to figure out how to do it on my own.

Check Engine Light

On the upshot today, my check engine light miraculously turned off.

From now on I vow to get the oil in the Jeep changed every three months, or every three-thousand miles, whichever comes first.

Radio Rumor Boards

For those of you who live and die by all those lovely radio message boards, be advised that everything posted isn't necessarily true. I am speaking directly to my situation right now, and feel it is laughable to read what is being posted.

Can't a girl just deal with a family death and getting fired all in the same month in peace? It's hard to be sleeping in until four in the afternoon after binge drinking and doing lines of blow off of circus midgets when people are making my inbox ring with emails asking about some alleged "scandal." Okay, so I actually was up and at the gym extremely early today, and I've never done blow in my life, but if I'm involved in some kind of "scandal," then I want to certainly be scandalous!

To all of that, I quote Hamlet, "Get thee to a nunnery! Get thee to a nunnery!" It's like some people in the world are vicious rumor-sluts who can't seem to worry enough about themselves because they are overly-concerned about what's going on with people they don't even know. It's nearly Thanksgiving... why not channel some of that extra time and obviously pent-up energy by donating to the Food Bank or serving at the Road Home? Also, you're certainly "in the know" with what's going on with others, maybe you could use those Nancy Drew skills and locate missing children?

It Puts the Lotion in the Basket...

Yep, the title is my failed attempt at laughing at my day. When I think of getting the oil changed in the Jeep, and the mechanics putting the oil into the Jeep, well it all took me to a Silence of the Lambs place in my brain.

Trust me, getting ones' skin pulled off and turned into pants by Buffalo Bill would've been a welcome change to my afternoon.

I got up today with renewed energy. After watching Brokeback Mountain last night and realizing that my life will never be as repressed as a gay Wyoming cowboy, I was excited to look forward to all the amazing job prospects I was bound to find. I was glad for this breakthrough, as I was about to head to my therapist and tell him all about losing my job, but still be able to say "I was excited to look forward to all the amazing job prospects I was bound to find." I started the Jeep... no start.

I turned the key again... no startie.

Finally after a colorful monologue in a heated tone (again, looking on the bright side of yelling "fuck" multiple times into the steering wheel), Jeep starts up in a cloud of smoke. Rather than heading to my appointment, I drove to the nearest Jiffy Lube and prepared to get scolded. Yes, I say that because I knew I was a little overdue for an oil change. When I say a little, I mean three-thousand miles over, and I haven't had it done since March.

Could the oil really have gone unchanged since March? Yep, the sticker said I should've had it done sometime in mid-June and here it is... November? Shit.

When you go for as long as I have to the point where your engine is eating its own stomach, they do this thing called a "Gum-out," which doesn't sound at all appealing. They gummed it out, changed the oil and looked at me with this judgmental gaze after they said I was "two quarts low." I wanted to reply, "Honey, I'm more than two quarts low this month," but I shamefully handed over my debit card. $100 dollars I don't have later, the Jeep now starts without hesitation.

Still, the check engine light won't turn off. I'm hoping this is one of those things where I didn't tighten the gas tank cap well enough like the last time the check engine light wouldn't turn off. That's my story I'm just going to hold onto it for the next few weeks.

Can people email requests to Buffalo Bill to be turned into skin pants to put them out of their misery?

Prophetic Graffiti

Remember when you used to see graffiti and it was to either slam some hoochie ("For a good time call...") or tag out the other crew (not sure what that means, but homies will know what it does)? Now, graffiti has a message-- and it is somewhat profound.

Now going into a coffee shop bathroom has meaning.

Kick Start your Day

Jack Daniels coffee... the perfect way to kick off Day Drinking.

Random Generation, Pt. 1

My latest project...

Sunday November 5, 2006…
Salt Lake Coffee Break- Wireless connection sucks.
I’m not exactly sure if it’s password-protected, but I’m feeling too sorry for myself today to get up and ask the slightly rude counter-girl if I need any kind of a WEP Key. Information that might’ve been nice to know before I got my semi-decent coffee and found a table. My airport says I’m connected, my browser says otherwise.
Battery life- 45 minutes, couldn’t find a table near an outlet so we’re all spared from rambling. Sort of. Rambling will be kept to 45 minutes, I guess.
Outfit- Cute
Hair- Marginal

It’s been an interesting week in the life of a 30-year-old unemployed semi-orphan. Most people have a crappy childhood on which to blame their entire crappy adulthood. I have a crappy adulthood with a string of drama and mis-steps on which to blame mine. In just the past week, I lost my illustrious radio job, got dumped by my long-distance not-quite-sure-what-it’s-been-on-and-off-since-April “acquaintance,” felt every emotion between helplessness and poverty and elation to not be pigeonholed into a position where the “man kept me down,” ordered a bad chicken bowl and threw up. Add that to the beginning of the month where my father passed away, or even the previous two years when I had to watch him die—maybe the throwing up was finally a culmination of everything and not just a product of said bad chicken bowl. Nonetheless, all of these events were, quite literally, out of my control.

I’m trying to figure out what exactly right now is in my control. I could get the oil changed in my car, I believe I should’ve done that sometime in June, and I guess that would be in my control. But I don’t feel like it. I took control and got out of bed today. I got in the shower, and I even accessorized. It seems that’s what is most important right now, accessories. I should add that to the list above:
Accessories- Fabulous

Right now is a time where everyone’s told me, “You can do whatever you want.” I’m not totally sure what I want to do right now. But what if what I want right now is completely unrealistic? What if selling all my possessions and opening a burlesque showhouse in Aruba isn’t completely realistic? What is reality? Burlesque is to body-glitter, body-glitter is to my ultimate happiness, therefore a burlesque showhouse in Aruba is to my ultimate well-being. Some might say this isn’t necessarily realistic. Do we see the conundrum? Do we see I never did well in Geometry because my way of proving things doesn’t coincide with what makes sense for the rest of the planet, much less the teacher who never seemed to like me very well?

Maybe this is all just the after-effects of the bad chicken bowl. I would consult Web MD and diagnose myself, but as I said before, the connection at this particular coffeehouse sucks. My comment about self-diagnosis might seem flip, but I say it’s funny because it’s true. Rather than actually going to the doctor or staying home or even trying one of grandma’s home remedies, we will take our lives into our own hands because we have a wealth of information at our fingertips.

Speaking of, I just found a table with an actual electrical outlet nearby. Now we’ve got more than just 45 minutes. Now we’re captive to my brain’s ramblings. So, to recap:

Sunday November 5, 2006…
Salt Lake Coffee Break- Wireless connection still sucks.
I’ve given up on trying to fuck with the settings to see why exactly the wireless isn’t happening.
Battery life- I found a plug, the possibilities are now endless
Outfit- Still cute
Hair- Still marginal, and now I’m wondering if I look like a conehead.
Accessories- Fabulous. For real.

I’ve also just switched my phone to vibrate because I just realized my ringtone was New Kids on the Block, “Hangin’ Tough.” Yesterday morning I thought it might be inspirational. Today, here, I thought it might be really lame.

So where was I? I was lamenting about how I’m an unemployed, adult (no need to mention the age again, I’ve said it once), semi-orphan (still have a mom). I was thinking about my reality. I delved into how we’re totally funky for thinking we can log onto some Web site and feed into our hypochondriac tendencies. But we do it, we submit to the masochistic joy that comes through thinking we might have the germs, and we get attention from those around us just trying to make us feel better. Meanwhile, someone who is very sick, terminal, says nothing. Someone who I’ve allowed to dictate my entire life said nothing to indicate he might not be here through Christmas, and now I’m left alone; because to him, the boyfriends I always brought home were never “good enough.”

It's time to blow this popscicle stand.

Getting Back on Track, The Saga Continues...

Remember that "getting back on track" post I wrote about last week?

Scratch that. Just when you think things already feel sucky, someone has to go and kick you in the proverbial nuts.

If you know of anyone hiring, and it's in media... or at this point even Taco Time, please shoot me an email. I'd appreciate it. holly.braithwaite@gmail.com My resume and MP3 demo is also available on my Web site.

I am officially over 2006 and can't wait to finish the year.

Getting Back on Track

So, after an extremely crappy month, I feel like I'm getting back on track with things and will be posting again soon.

Like June Allyson's Depends, I'm "getting back into life." Not that I'm currently wearing paper underwear or that I wear paper underwear on a regular basis... or even that I'm incontinent in any way.

Nevermind.

The point is, I have a new outlook on things and am trying to get back into the swing of things. Keep watching for posts!

Grammar Watch, Pt. 2

I won't say at which grocery establishment I spotted this little gem, but it's subtle.

Subtle, but not surprising, as the establishment isn't known for its highbrow clientele.

Stress Dreams?

Because of a string of consistant, heinous crap unfolding in my personal life, I've had messed up dreams every night. What does it all mean?

Monday night: I'm driving my Jeep and the brakes go out, and the gas doesn't work, yet I'm still able to drive up hills and all over neighborhoods. It isn't until I go over a cliff and throw the Jeep into reverse that I keep from falling over the edge... then my Jeep is stuck in reverse, with the brakes out and no gas, but still going up hills and all over neighborhoods.

Tuesday night: I literally dreamt that I couldn't wake up, and I got freaked out that I couldn't wake up, and then when I woke up this morning, I thought it was a dream and thought I had missed work. Funny thing is, I don't go to work until four o'clock in the afternoon.

Am I a headcase?

My Election Season Campaign

It's that time of year when we all try to be more socially aware and make voting choices which we hope will ultimately benefit all mankind... blah blah blah. It's like Christmas for issues-zealots, where we normally wouldn't get involved, but we do because it's "that time of year."

I would rather stick a hot letter opener into my nasal cavity than ever run for public office, which is good since my job is technically a conflict of interest. Still, I feel since it's "that time of year," I need to start some kind of campaign and my campaign is as follows:

'06 Campaign to Make McDreamy Single
Ah yes, Grey's Anatomy's Derek Shepherd, a.k.a. McDreamy, is going to be my personal plight for the season.



I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy from the first time I saw it as a mid-season replacement on ABC 'lo just a year and a half ago. McDreamy's eyes... McDreamy's hair... the fact that McDreamy didn't roll in on a riding lawnmower a la "Can't Buy Me Love." But it wasn't until I set my VCR for the wrong time and missed last week's Season Three premiere and spent two days scouring the Internet and iTunes TV show store that I realized how sickly obsessed I was.

This season, let's Make McDreamy Single. I can't stand another season of unrequited love and untamed sexual tension between Meredith and McDreamy. I can't stand the fact that McDreamy keeps ripping out Meredith's skinny, little heart and doing the Mexican Hat Dance on it. I can't stand McDreamy's wife Addison who had to sneak her way back into his life after doing the Mexican Hat Dance on his heart.

It's the Ross and Rachel cycle of get together, introduce conflict, break up, pine away, get together, break up... you get the picture. Ross and Rachel finally got together after nine painful years and I simply won't stand to wait until I'm nearly 40 years old to finally see Meredith and McDreamy happy.

Now, I'm not sure what measures I must take in the campaign to Make McDreamy Single, I'll have to consult my political pals for direction. However, I can assure you that from now until the first Tuesday in November, I will have set out a course of action for all of you to jump on my bandwagon and Make McDreamy Single.

This has been a paid announcement by the friends of Make McDreamy Single and the twisted minds who are actually sad enough to care.

Track Stars!!!

So, every week in the City Weekly, they get "local celebs" to pick their favorite songs and/or what they're listening to on the iPods right now.
This week, they chose some of the folks of Nightside, including Yours Truly.

Check it out here:
City Weekly

Thanks, Bill Frost!

What's Yer Pirate Name?

I've always loved pirates. I want to be one... or a mermaid.
Either one is pretty cool. From now on, call me Black Jenny Cash.

My pirate name is:

Black Jenny Cash

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

A Thousand Different Ways...

...to laugh your butt off and/or throw up from laughter.

Yes, cutie pie little Clay Aiken has released his second album to "Measure of a Man" today, and I have to say that it was bad enough that the thing starts out with his version of that popular Richard Marx classic "Right Here Waiting." But when the thing actually got to "Everything I do" and "Broken Wings" I had to shut the thing off.

I was in tears. It's because I was laughing.

So nevermind Clay has that little twinkle in his eye... skip the CD and read an issue of Tiger Beat.

Coincidence, or No?

Here's a poster, circa 1979, used to promote Pakistan Airlines.

Creepy.

Oxygen Spa Night

Jeff from the O2 Oxygen Spa in Salt Lake came in tonight and juiced us up. I chose "Serenity," a combination of lavendar and I believe eucalyptus. I feel mellow. I also would like a pizza, a bag of Doritos and maybe a Slim Jim...

...I am serene.

Try this stuff!!! The O2 Oxygen Spa it freaking rocks! They also have facials, massages and all kinds of things!

A Showdown I'd Like to See

Just a little quickie I was thinking about...

Whose baby is better?
Brangelina?
TomKat?

Let's put Suri and Shiloh together in a ring full of Jell-O and let them duke it out;

...because Tom versus Angelina would just be too easy.

Suri is an Adopted Chinese Baby in a Toupee

I believe the title of this post says it all.

For months now I have been skeptical as to the existence of TomKat's Suri Cruise, and now after tonight's showing on Katie Couric's debut night on CBS Evening News, I am wondering if this child was lab-created.

Isn't there some law that states you're not allowed to wig your newly adopted Chinese baby?
With a bad rug at that?

Alert the authorities!!!

Jo Jo's Munch House

You can't see it very well, but it's true, there is a place called "Jo Jo's Munch House" on State Street in Salt Lake City.

They had a fish sandwich special advertised by writing with what looked like White Out on the window.

Jo Jo's Munch House.

Creepy Guy Comparison of the Week

Remember the Heaven's Gate guy, Marshall Applewhite who led his cult to kill themselves in San Deigo so they could eventually return to the Mother Ship?



Just an older version of current freakshow John Mark Karr.

I *Heart* the Internet

Blogs and comment postings are becoming like buttholes, everyone's got 'em. I ran across this little tidbit of internet gold today and couldn't let it pass! ("pass": refer in the sense of "buttholes," mentioned above) And if you'd like the direct link, please click over to here

"Holly is outright annoying. Her interview skills aren't good. Her voice is one of the worst I've heard on the radio. Her questions for guests seemed scripted - which makes their shallow triteness even worse.

And, for the record, Holly was never a news reporter as she claimed once during the Destiny search. Reading pre-written news scripts on ZHT do not make a news reporter.

But we know now that if you want to shut her up, all you have to do is point out that she is single on air. I could feel the discomfort.

I've listened only a few times since the show started. It is getting more polished but I still don't enjoy it.

I hope this feedback is a little more helpful than the smartass comment I left earlier.

Posted by Anonymous | August 04, 2006 10:46 AM"

Anonymous? You need a hug? Did I steal your boyfriend because I'm cuter than you? Come on, what's the skinny? Me? Thank you very much!

I look at this stuff and I laugh out loud, or LOL for someone obviously so posting-savvy. There's so much I could say to this, but why waste the effort on something so stupid? However, I do appreciate that you're taking the time to keep up on Utah radio and where I've been and what I've allegedly done! It actually shows, Anonymous, that you're a true fan! Thanks for listening!

Grammar Watch pt. 1

Today I decided to look for all the bad grammar in the world. Lo' and behold, I found this little gem on the way home from the gym. A Oreo shake? Hmmm...

The Incredible Shrinking Richie

This week's US Weekly is off the chain, as it goes into the incredible shrinking Nicole Richie. Homegirl is just too small and needs to eat a sandwich, I actually feel bad for the girl. What's more, she's damned if she do and damned if she don't-- if she's too fat, she hears about it. If she's too skinny, she hears about it. In fact, one member of the paparazzi yelled at her that she was too f***ing skinny. She actually got up in his face and told him that he wouldn't be yelling at her if she were fat.

To this, I say amen.

Sure, she looks horrible, but it's something she's dealing with and obviously knows that she's able to double as an anatomy class skeleton. My point? Stop hating! Let's hate Tom Cruise some more if we want to hate someone...

Anyway, judge it for yourself-- just don't yell it out at Nicole.

Holy Shrimp, Batman!

I'm not a religious person, but I do have to admire this shrimp's ability to channel a special spirit. This shrimp tail was originally discarded by a California man, but on second look he saw the face of Jesus. He believed it was a sign-- he just went through a nasty divorce with his wife.

Happy Fourth of July!!

Up yours, Kim Jong Il!!!

What Ever Happened to... ?

Thursday nights in the 80s were great because I knew I could always look forward to the wacky antics on Bill Cosby and his crazy television kids. Apparently, I was feeling a bit nostalgic tonight, and since it is Thursday, I was thinking to myself... Whatever happened to the folks on The Cosby Show?

Let's begin with when Cosby jumped the shark. Little Rudy had gotten to be bigger Rudy and so the show needed to add a different cute and precocious little girl to warm the hearts of America's viewers. Hence, Raven Symone.

In this picture, Raven Symone is wearing a haute couture trash bag to some sort of event.


Moving onto to the above-mentioned Rudy... Kiesha Knight Pullam decided to edumacate herself and get a Sociology degree from some college in Atlanta. More importantly, this picture shows that she is an intelligent 25-year-old and doesn't need to do anything like pose in her underwear to prove stuff.


Tempestt Bledsoe has grown up as well. She went from playing the Jan Brady-esque Vanessa Huxtable to current body-double for former American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino.


Probably the Cosby kid who aged the best is Malcom Jamal Warner who played the wry brother/dyslexic student Theo. Warner is a musician and music video director now, who started his own label called "Miles Long;" which I think is a bit presumptious. Still, he's hot.


The very cool and slightly edgy Denise Huxtible was played by Lenny Kravitz's ex-wife Lisa Bonet who I believe was a porn star before showing up and the über-cool singer in High Fidelity. But before that, she was on a Different World and was hospitalized for smoking Dwayne Wayne's flip-up sunglasses.


So there's the Thursday night tribute, makes you wish there was a little less reality TV in the world, no?

Oh. My. God.

It's been awhile, kiddies. I've had some family stuff going on, I've had some long-distance stuff going on, I've had some job stuff going on; but I'm trying to regroup and reboot and get through it all.

It's like a rebirth, right?

And with that, I give you White Trash Barbie on the cover of next month's Bazaar Magazine.

Fun with Mentos and Diet Coke

New hair picture on demand!

Girly Girl Pick of the Week 04/10/06

I just did a hair show with Redken over the weekend, so I'm totally psyched over their products!! I'm also totally psyched over what they did with my head! I'm like a redheaded Aeon Flux.

Anywho... if you're a color-aholic like I am, you've got to try out Redken's Color Extend shampoo and conditioner. It rocks the free world and is rumored to extend the life of your color three times as long as if you didn't use it. (which if you're red that will be two weeks instead of two days!!!)

Plus, it smells really yummy and that's always a bonus.

Try New Dessert Spray...

It tastes yuuumm-yum. Just look at Jessica, she loves the creamy lip gloss. Loves it so much her eyes are rolling into the back of her head.

Katie-- Ready for the Alien Baby

Katie Holmes is about ready to explode forth the alien-baby who is the fruit of Tom Cruise's loins. This is wrongity, wrong, wrong, wrong and makes me cherish my decision never to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon.

Girly Girl Pick of the Week 04/03

Yeah, I'm back into blogging. I finally got all moved, I'm finally decorating the new place... I finally have some of my downstairs tiki bathroom put together.

Moving sucks. All my fingernails are gone and I have all these cuts all over my hands. Even though we're adults, why subject ourselves to those awful fake flesh-colored bandaids? NO THANK YOU!

I was lucky enough to find this week's girly girl pick, Pirate Bandaids. The only thing that would make them better would be if they came in pink. Nevertheless, they're black with white skulls and crossbones, AND they come with a free toy inside! And this toy is actually a good toy, not like the shitty toys now found inside Cracker Jacks-- a tiny black rubber duckie pencil topper.

Life is good.



I found mine at Got Beauty or if you don't like facing people, you can order online at 5littlemonkeys.com But you should go to Got Beauty because the gals there are fantastic!!

AAaaaargh!!! Here's to the Crusty Pirate, matey!

Why it's the Happiest Place on Earth

I never really liked Disneyland... I might have to reconsider!



Prints suitable for framing can be ordered at Paul Krassner's Site.

Girly Girl Pick of the Week for 03/20/06

As I move this weekend, I've been going through my bathroom and my life throwing out unwanted crap. But this Girly Girl Pick is something I couldn't part with a nearly empty bottle. I've got to use it until the very very end.

It's called "Re-Do" by Jonathan Product, and it's freaking fantastic. You know how you wash your hair and use too much product? This waters it down and makes your hair work again.



You know how you just have those days where you wake up and don't have time to wash your hair, but you really should? This allows you to squeeze in one more day of not washing without looking like a greasy guttermuffin.

It's also good for refreshing up your face, so you don't have to lump more powder on at the end of the day. PLUS the smell is fabulous!!!

AND it's available from our friends at Sephora.
From that site:
Revitalizing and conditioning Cucumber/Rose Essential Water refreshes slightly dirty, oily hair and vegetable enzyme neutralizes odors and leaves hair smelling clean. Natural extracts like white tea, almond, aloe, and pomegranate condition and add shine. Also can be used to refresh, hydrate, and condition skin. Product is 100 percent vegan and alcohol-free.

Jonathan on Redo: "A trick I learned from working on fashion shoots and runways - sometimes I just did not have time to wash and style models' dirty hair. So I mixed up my own botanical water infusion spray. It allowed me to rework and restyle sections of hair without shampooing and took away any stale odors. Soon the models were asking me for bottles of the "redo" and using it everywhere - on their skin - and anywhere including behind the scenes at fashion shows and even on airplane flights."

FYI, as soon as I get all moved, I'll have time and money to concentrate on planning a girly girl makeup day for y'all!!

So THAT'S Why!!!

I always wondered the real reason why Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey broke up. I mean, WHY would Jessica break up with my cute Nick?

She likes girls!!!

Girly Girl Pick of the Week 03/13/06

Yeah, packing and moving sucks. Not to mention I just discovered yesterday the new shower leaks into the new kitchen through the new ceiling. Just when you think your apartment, new to you, should actually be inhabitable...

Anyway, onward and upward to a new Girly Girl Pick, and I love this one. In fact, I went up to Park City and saw "The Full Monty" (yep, ladies, lots of asses and in the end... yep, you guessed it) and looked totally glam!

Loreal has come out with a new line called High Intensity Pigments (H.I.P) where the colors jump out, look great, stay on and it's fun. Best of all, it's inexpensive, so you can outfit your whole face with a new, H.I.P group of colors for under about $15. I got the eyeshadows...

...along with a new lipstick and gloss. Big fun!

Just the thing to make you feel a little springy and colorful!

BFF-- Until They Weren't

Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton snub each other while at a Los Angeles coffee shop awaiting production for Simple Life 4.

I'm torn on this thing, the first three seasons were like watching bullriding on TV, it wasn't like you really enjoyed it, you enjoyed the carnage. That's like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. But where they're not even friends anymore, it's just sad, and fake, and humiliating... just like their friendship.

Treasure your best friends, ladies!! My Deena is a goddess and I laugh hardest when I'm with her. I'm also thankful she's a true friend and not a "frenemy" like Paris and Nicole.

And yes, I will still watch Simple Life 4.

A Warm Fuzzy...

I rarely take the time to read entire articles because my life sort of works in bits. In the radio business, you have just a few minutes in between commercials to make a point. During commercials, you have exactly three minutes to get up and go to the bathroom before you're back into news. News, which is another series of bits that fit together in a single newscast.

But I took the time to read this whole article, and though I'm feeling a little melancholy and introspective today, it spoke to me. It made me think that, even though I am single in Utah, it is okay to hang out with just me. Simply, it was worth the time.

From Wired.com
I totally forgot about Valentine's Day this year, until I went into a post office here in Osaka and was given a little gift by the official behind the counter: a small red replica postbox.
This scene -- a corporate Cupid raining down arrows into the hearts of customers -- was repeated when I went to a convenience store and was asked to make a lucky dip selection from a box of candies. I left cheered by the tenderness of it all, amused that these declarations of love were coming to me from public bodies and businesses, not individuals.

I didn't really need to be cheered, and I didn't really need to do anything special on St. Valentine's Day. As someone in a relationship, I like to think I salute St. Valentine every day. Looking back at my blog entry for February 14th, I see that what I was thinking about that day wasn't love, but Japanese collectivism and the spirit of wa. The emphasis on harmony, politeness, obligation and mutual dependency is a marked feature of Asian societies, in contrast to the Western emphasis on individualism.

Poking around on the internet, though, I began to notice that St. Valentine's day was making some single people in the West very unhappy by reminding them of their singledom. For instance, I read an internet thread (it would be a bit insensitive to link to it) in which a computer programmer threatened to jump off a bridge unless he'd found a partner within three months. And I read an article in the travel section of British newspaper The Observer in which writer Will Hide compared the experience of being single in London and New York:

"If you're alone but hoping not to be," writes Hide, "Americans are much more approachable than we British, be it at the food store, the pub or the gym. You can chat to complete strangers without feeling like a total psycho.... If you're simply on your own and happy that way, New York is a great place just to hang out because everyone does it. Going to the cinema alone in Britain? Sad git. Going to the cinema alone in New York? Hey, cool, a chance for some quality 'me' time. Lunch for one in Blighty? Obviously Billy No-mates. Lunch for one in Manhattan? Alluring. A bit mysterious even."

Now, personally, I dislike going to the cinema, restaurants and even cafes on my own. But, just as Will Hide notices that it's easier to be a unit of one in New York than it is in London, I've noticed that it's easier here in Japan than it is in the West. It's built into the infrastructure.

For instance, in the West you often feel like you're inconveniencing any restaurant you turn up to alone, because an unoccupied seat (a seat containing the ghost of your absent dyadic partner) sits facing you, a seat the restaurant could otherwise be making money from. Japanese sushi and ramen restaurants, in contrast, tend to have a horseshoe-shaped counter bar facing the chef where single people can sit without wasting space or facing any ghosts.

A single person with a free evening in a Japanese city could go to one of these restaurants, a pachinko arcade, a public bath-house, a manga cafe, a cosplay maid cafe, a karaoke bar and other (shadier) places and feel like they were participating socially without being in a couple.

In the West, it seems to me, that isn't as easy. And that seems counter-intuitive: Shouldn't individualist societies cater better to the needs of individuals, and collectivist societies cater worse to them? How come it seems to be the other way around?

Of course, there are movements in the West to define singledom more positively, and even to formulate a kind of single-person activism around the issue.

In 2004, Sasha Cagen published the book Quirkyalone, which tries to give a positive spin on Western solitude. A quirkyalone, says Cagen, is "a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple." In her first formulation of the idea back in 2000, Cagen calculated that 5 percent of the U.S. population are quirkyalones.

Cagen's thesis that "it's not strange to be single; rather, single is the new norm" is lent some credence by new research released in February by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, which reports that 43 percent of American adults (87 million people) say they are single. Twenty six percent of these are single people in a committed relationship. Of those not in a committed relationship, 55 percent are not looking for a partner.

I'm still not quite sure why collectivist cultures should cater better to the needs of individuals than individualistic societies do. Perhaps it's something to do with the fact that in a collectivist culture like Japan, you're never truly alone, even when you're alone. Or perhaps it's because Japan is such a group society that you need a break now and again, a place out in public where you can be alone for a few minutes between the group at the office and the group at home.

But I'm pretty sure of one thing. Given current U.S. trends toward living, working and playing alone, the infrastructure of American cities could benefit from resembling a little more the monad-welcoming floating world of the Japanese city, animated, apparently, by the spirit of a corporate and collectivist Cupid who loves anyone with the yen.

Sushi and karaoke already have their place in the neonscape of Western cities, but it can't be too long before someone with a free evening in L.A. will be able to do as many things alone -- and feel as connected with strangers -- as you can in Osaka today.

In a truly individualistic culture, you shouldn't have to feel "quirky" when you're out and about alone, should you?

No. No. NOOOOO!

I have said for the last couple of years that George Michael has been one of my favorite radio interviews I've ever done. He was so polite and he was even careful to call us by our names, something that doesn't really happen very often. I have loved George Michael since Wham! woke me up before I went went and I even loved him after that little debacle with gay sex in a public bathroom.

He is beautiful and talented, so WHY does he have to pull a Robert Downey Jr.? George Michael was arrested in London this weekend for drug possession after he was found slumped over the wheel of his car. Authorities say Michael had both weed and GHB with him. Why, God, why?

Is Dating Worth It?

I've recently been informed of some nasty rumors (Or rumours, if you're British) that have been spread about yours truly regarding people I've dated, making me wonder is it worth it? Last night was a trip. I was driving home, and ended up next to one guy I briefly saw last year who actually slowed down and changed lanes to avoid eye contact.

Later, I found out from a friend who is a door guy at a local jazz bar that someone I saw briefly last month (Tiramisu Guy) has been telling people some not nice things about me. Apparently, I asked him if he was gay and that was why he "kicked me to the curb." Isn't it interesting how some people can be outright rude in their dealings with the opposite sex, and then when they're around their friends you're the alleged psycho? Besides, it stands to reason that if he were gay, he would've enjoyed my fabulous pinkness and charm even more!

Even later, I found out from my neighbor whom also used to be a co-worker someone from my previous place of employment is now telling everyone we used to have a thing.

DO THESE PEOPLE NOT HAVE LIVES? Or is it that my life is so "interesting" that they get off in making me out to be not a nice person. With that, I hope that karma comes back to those who speak poorly of others and makes them feel as stupid as Adrien Brody looks in these pictures.

Girly Girl Pick for Week of 02/27

I'm not blogfading, I promise! (Blogfading: yep, that's what the kids call it when you get enthused about your blog and then crap out on it.) I've been trying to find a new apartment, and I finally found one! I'm moving at the end of next month to a discofabulous place, so things might be a little hit and miss for the next little bit. I'll post some picts of my new 70s retro pad sometime soon, as well as the progression of some redecorating I'm doing. It rocks.

At any rate, I have a great product that you simply MUST get from our good friends at Benefit. (AND available from Sephora for those of you who are Sephora sluts like me.) It's called Dr. Feelgood, and it's tough to explain, but it is a great product. Dr. Feelgood is a mattifier that goes under your foundation, or can be used instead of foundation if you're one of those kind of people. (Not me, I'm finding I'm a foundation slut too.) It mattes shine, it primes skin for foundation, it reduces fine lines, and it makes pores smaller. I don't have big pores, but I have one weird one on my cheek that Dr. Feelgood seems to fill in.

When you're retouching things at the end of the day, rather than using more powder to combat shine, Dr. Feelgood works for that too. Just pat on (DO NOT RUB) over existing foundation, and it makes you look great into the evening too.

From Sephora,
A brand new idea for smooth, silky skin. This complexion balm slips under makeup to help smooth the complexion. Enriched with vitamins C and E, Dr. Feelgood can also be worn alone on bare skin. It's indispensable and in demand!

Give it a whirl. It's $24, but lasts for a really long time, so it's a splurge that's worth it and not something you'll have to buy often.


Benefit classifies Dr. Feelgood in its "Fake-It Collection" with products designed to "go from dull to darling in an instant."

A Little Self-Love...

From the Deseret Morning News:

How's Tom Barberi doing after nearly six months back on radio?
The radio host, self-nicknamed "The Voice of Reason," expresses optimism and even acknowledges his nicer-guy image via e-mail: "The ratings were interesting, seeing as we just turned the station on without any promotion or publicity.
"That said, the Arbitron Maximizer had the station at a 0.6 (ratings share). Now, with our billboard campaign and a full book exposure next time, I am very optimistic that we will show up. It took more than a year for (sister station) The Zone to show a pulse, and we already show signs of life!"
Now on the FM dial — on KFMS (FM-97.5), weekdays, noon-2 p.m. — Barberi may no longer be on morning-drive radar, but he is filling a void with stimulating local talk radio in the early afternoon.
His later start on the air might also have something to do with his more pleasant manner on the air. "As far as my being nicer," Barberi wrote, "maybe it is because for the first time in 35 years I have gotten a decent night's sleep. I still have my temper tantrums and bite back when attacked on the air, but I have been trying to be a little more rational."
He's excited about the potential listeners he could reach on the FM band. "Talk is what interests people on the radio, especially local talk, and I hope to expand the show to three hours and start it earlier fairly soon."

Barberi's not a solo host this time around. Holly Braithwaite joined him on the air shortly after his revised show began last September.
Formerly a sidekick on the "Z-Morning Zoo" on KZHT, Braithwaite is doubling as the show's producer and seems, like Barberi, to be a host that listeners either love or hate, with little or nothing in between.
While some listeners refer to her as "sexy and insightful," others may call her "uninformed" and just plain "unintelligent."
Either way, she brings a younger audience appeal to Barberi's show, and, according to Barberi, she's a fabulous producer.
Barberi also likes to have fun with politics, and he had some empty Evolution Ale bottles delivered to the state Legislature. He said most of the politicians on the Hill got a laugh out of the stunt.
Studio lines for the Barberi-Braithwaite show are 470-, 570- and 670-0975. There's also a "Tell Tom Line" at 519-7899, which is open 24 hours a day.

Another Uncanny Similarity...

The Olsen Twins


and

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride

Survival of the Fittest

Happy Valentine's Day... Whatever

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours and all of you. Soon, it will be over and we can all put the whole nasty thing behind us for another year.

My heart was warmed when I caught the exclusive scoop on E! News that Britney Spears spent most of the day at an Urgent Care in Malibu. Ms. Spears was seen running with two bodyguards out of the clinic yesterday, while her son, Tater Tot was sneaked by Brit's assistant out the back. Unfortunately, Spears will still make her cameo appearence on Will and Grace next month-- she made it out of the Urgent Care just in time to shoot the episode.

Quick Valentine's Day Quiz: What do you get when you spend two hours making someone a Valentine's Day tiramisu (we're talking FROM SCRATCH... the whole deal... soaking the ladyfingers in espresso and even beating whipped cream into stiff peaks. The whole deal...) and you leave it for them as a tasty surprise? Answer: A big, fat NADA. Zilch! Zip! In other words, the recepient didn't even send so much as a damn text message to say thanks.

I'm off to the gym! Smooches!

Girly Girl Pick of the Week 02/13/06

I've written before that I feel my hair is the bane of my existence. Well, it still is. But this little product makes it all the better. It's another fave from Bumble and Bumble, Brilliantine Creme!!! (It comes in a tube now, instead of the bottle, but still a great product.)

Brillantine creme is really hard to describe. It's not a pomade, it's not a gel, not a wax... but it messes up your hair just enough to look like you've got a sort tousled thing going on. It doesn't make things gummy. It doesn't leave locks greasy. It's like it makes it look just better than without it! Also, I have a lot of people ask me if I just got my hair colored because it really brightens it and makes it looks shiny.

GREAT because I don't have the cha-ching to get it colored as often as I'd like.

Our friends at Bumble and Bumble are so great.

Girly Pink Gadget Pick!

Here's a little bonus to the girly girl beauty pick... it's a girly pink gadget for the girly geek in all of us. I was reminded this weekend that I really needed a little flash drive for all my eBooks. I just wanted to get them off my hard drive and put them in a collective place. Then I went to Target and found on sale this week for $19.99 a cute little zMate 256 MB flash pen drive for all my computer reads!

And if you're really lame like me, you can wear it around your neck! I was so excited when I took it out of the package that I wore it from the cute pink lanyard all night while I made my grilled chicken salad. I even did a little dance around the apartment while waiting for "Grey's Anatomy" to start (still dealing with that Code Black situation). Then, I realized I was a big, lame dork and I took it off for bed.

p.s. Sorry the picture sort of sucks, but I took it with the camera phone and was so excited I had to upload it right away!

Suckle Her Slipple

So, I think it's funny when stars' nipples pop out because I've been there before. No, I'm not suggesting I'm a star, I'm saying I've accidentally slipped a nip to a crowd of people.

1998. University of Utah student union. I was performing with the ballroom team, and I had been late the morning costumes were assigned. Because I was tall, the other gals on the team assumed I was a size 14. I was about a six (I say about because my top was about a six, yes, my ass was fat. I'm considerably smaller now that nearly ten years later, I've lost my "freshman fifteen"). During the Viennese Waltz performance, the dress got twisted, my nipple popped out and got caught over the left side of the dress, and my partner twirled me around for all to see.

Enter 2006. Brits and her baby daddy somehow actually got into the Mariah Carey Grammy after-party. Here's a picture of the happy family: Kevin, Britney and Britney's nipple.


Image from Perezhilton.com

It's so creepy...

Does this remind anyone else of that scene in The Shining? Except that there's not a little kid on a Big Wheel... and they're not in a hotel... and they're sitting at a fashion show...



But you get the idea.

My Newest Favorite Thing...

I got this for Christmas, but haven't blogged it. Ritmo Mundo watches-- Italian, gorgeous, pink of course. This is by far my very favorite watch, and I've got quite a few.



I'm constantly amazed about how these high-end watch retailers keep up with the trends, and I guess it's all about getting in with the cool kids. In an article about Ritmo Mundo, "Ritmo Mundo (Rhythm of the Earth) watches appear to be joining that select group of watches that are worn not only because they are handsome timepieces, but also because they are the current ‘in’ item to be seen wearing on the wrist. The flair of Italian styling, dynamic American marketing, high profile celebrities such as Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Sarah Jessica Parker wearing them and instant consumer recognition - a success story in two years."

Thus, you can get away with sale clothes from Wet Seal if you've got a gorgeous watch and gorgeous bag!

Okay Fine... Girly Girl Pick for Week of 02/06

After a brief hiatus from the blog, I'm finally over myself... perhaps it's a heavy cocktail of vodka and Xanax. Either way...

Let's talk Bobbi Brown SHIMMER BRICK!!! I can't take full credit for the discovery of this lovely little wonder, I owe my friend Jill for tipping me off on it a few months ago. She can't take full credit for it, because her friend Karen tipped her off on it; and so I pass it along to you all.

The lovely little folks who read my blog and wait with baited breath for all things glittery and makeup-ey.

Shimmer Brick isn't blush or bronzer or shimmer... it's a combination of all three. It's a cake made up of eight different shades in the same color family. If swirled together, it all works for a shimmery highlighter over blush. If applied one color at a time, it works for eyeshadow. The lighter colors work for highlighters... if you get the bronze, it works to make you look tan.

If you're hungover, it makes you look like you're not. Comes in Apricot, Rose, Bronze, Pink and Beige bricks.

Seriously, the uses to Shimmer Brick are endless and it's a truely versatile product. I have both the Rose brick and the Bronze brick and I use them all of the time depending on what I'm wearing. That said, Shimmer Brick is not cheap, but it does last quite a long time so it's one of those things that are DEFINITELY worth the occasional splurge. (For real, it's like $38.00, I think) I will forgo buying groceries for the week to afford Shimmer Brick, which shows how much I love it. Also, you have to deal with the Nordstrom Bobbi Brown counter and sometimes they're not so nice to me, but Shimmer Brick is worth even that hardship!!

It's glorious. It's Shimmer Brick.

I'm Over It...

Not that anybody gives a shit, but I've taken a bit of a break from updating the Beyond the Air blog. I've turned into a hermit, I'm sick of people and all of their comments like I'm not really a person who has feelings. Besides, who really gives a shit about all this pink and Hollywood gossip that doesn't count for anything in the world. Perhaps I am the idiot who understands nothing more than Britney's zits.

For anybody's information, I do have feelings, in fact, in my personal life I'm dealing with things harder than I've ever dealt with before. And to come to my job and have to listen to callers anonymously respond on our comment line and tell me how stupid they think I am and how much they hate me is really tough. Oh, "poor Holly," you're thinking? Well screw you. I don't come to Taco Bell and criticize you while you're making a burrito. It is hard. And to say "have a thicker skin" fine, easier said than done. It's not like stars and tabloids where all you have to do is not read the magazine. Part of my job is to decipher just how horrible the comments are, and then in a self-deprecating attempt to laugh it all off, play it on the air over and over again.

You try it.

You deal with family loss and emotional devestation, lonliness, financial worries then go to your job and have five to ten people tell you you're dumb, fat, ugly, boring, stupid or various combinations of the like, and tell me how easy it is to have thicker skin.

So quit bitching? Make a change? Right, I don't want to do anything else, I know. That's the paradox. Perhaps I'm a masochist. But maybe if I knew it was going to be this difficult I would've actually gone to law school and spent every day behind a desk.

I'll get over it. I'll have an update in a bit. Cut me some slack.

What is it about Getting Knocked Up?

Why is it that when people in Hollywood get pregnant they let themselves go to hell? Maybe I'm just still wondering what happened with Britney, or why she still looks like hell, but now Katie Holmes is the latest star to sport greasy pregnancy hair. Do Scientologists not believe in painkillers or shampoo? Meantime, it is alleged pregnant Angelina Jolie is going to have Brad Pitt's twins! Watch for her to quit washing her hair soon, as it's a long time until the Summer when she's due.







Anyway, here's a picture of post-pregnant Britney who reportedly got down to 120 pounds in mid-November but now allegedly weighs 140 pounds because she is so stressed out about her scumbag husband, K-Fed. Sources say she's a "human vacuum cleaner, chowing down ice cream, burgers, chicken nuggets and Cheetos."