Monday, July 13, 2009


I've been doing quite a bit of social media stuff for work lately, so to use Twitter I'm really trying to get my point across in 140 characters or less. After a particularly heinous Zumba class at Gold's Gym tonight, I thought of some thoughtfully crafted letters I'd like to tweet to various organizations. And if you tweeple are out there, you may follow me at @hbgolightly

Dear @Golds_Gym_Utah, why must your Zumba teachers suck? Cha cha is on the 3 and 4 count.

Dear @GeneralMillsAnn, I want to rub some tropical Chex Mix on my chest b/c I love it, but you need to start making it again.

Dear @supermodelquin, I don't believe Old Navy's $75 off $100 purchase exists. The secret coupon makes my eye twitch.

Dear @JTek33, There is no catcher as fabulous as you. Caress me like a Louisville Slugger.

Why do tweets ultimately end up sounding like haikus?

Monday, July 06, 2009

Early morning musings

I was up all night because I have to work early this morning. Just one more special thing that makes my life mine. I know I haven't written in quite some time, so here are my thoughts for today. Read between the lines, lovelies, and you may discover why my blog has been lacking.

I don't know how I feel on the whole "let's be friends" thing when a relationship is looking like it needs hospice care. On one hand, I hate to lose someone for whom I cared. On the other hand, I think it's a lovely excuse for the chicken. I think the whole “let’s remain in a close friendship” thing in the final stages of a relationship may be pure idiocy.

Of course “being friends” sounds like a good idea to somebody who ends up acting like they cared very little about me in the first place! They continue to put in minimal effort, and yet they still get the pleasure of having me in their life, caring about them. It’s like a video game cheat code for dating: key in up-up-down-down-left-left-right-right-B-A-B-A-select-start and you’ve got 100 extra guys! (That was an obscure reference for you Contra fans out there)

Put it on your toast for a low-calorie spread: “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Dating” will leave you fulfilled without any work on your part! “Close friendship” is like liposuction for relationships. I guess I'm at the point where I really want a boyfriend/relationship on whom I can depend, not another pal, but why do I feel like that is wrong?

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Wait for it...

It's been a long few months and I have much to share, lambs. Trust me that every time my heart gets pounded into cheesecake crust I have new stories to tell.

And this time, it's no different.