Monday, November 06, 2006

It Puts the Lotion in the Basket...

Yep, the title is my failed attempt at laughing at my day. When I think of getting the oil changed in the Jeep, and the mechanics putting the oil into the Jeep, well it all took me to a Silence of the Lambs place in my brain.

Trust me, getting ones' skin pulled off and turned into pants by Buffalo Bill would've been a welcome change to my afternoon.

I got up today with renewed energy. After watching Brokeback Mountain last night and realizing that my life will never be as repressed as a gay Wyoming cowboy, I was excited to look forward to all the amazing job prospects I was bound to find. I was glad for this breakthrough, as I was about to head to my therapist and tell him all about losing my job, but still be able to say "I was excited to look forward to all the amazing job prospects I was bound to find." I started the Jeep... no start.

I turned the key again... no startie.

Finally after a colorful monologue in a heated tone (again, looking on the bright side of yelling "fuck" multiple times into the steering wheel), Jeep starts up in a cloud of smoke. Rather than heading to my appointment, I drove to the nearest Jiffy Lube and prepared to get scolded. Yes, I say that because I knew I was a little overdue for an oil change. When I say a little, I mean three-thousand miles over, and I haven't had it done since March.

Could the oil really have gone unchanged since March? Yep, the sticker said I should've had it done sometime in mid-June and here it is... November? Shit.

When you go for as long as I have to the point where your engine is eating its own stomach, they do this thing called a "Gum-out," which doesn't sound at all appealing. They gummed it out, changed the oil and looked at me with this judgmental gaze after they said I was "two quarts low." I wanted to reply, "Honey, I'm more than two quarts low this month," but I shamefully handed over my debit card. $100 dollars I don't have later, the Jeep now starts without hesitation.

Still, the check engine light won't turn off. I'm hoping this is one of those things where I didn't tighten the gas tank cap well enough like the last time the check engine light wouldn't turn off. That's my story I'm just going to hold onto it for the next few weeks.

Can people email requests to Buffalo Bill to be turned into skin pants to put them out of their misery?