Monday, October 13, 2008

Three cheers for color-sponsored diseases!

I don’t want to sound insensitive and all, especially since I haven’t graced my blog with my presence in over a month, but I am a little over all of the Think Pink for Breast Cancer stuff that’s become the latest trend. I know that might come as a shock to those who have been to my apartment and have seen the overabundance of pink stuff I have collected over the years, but that was before everything was pink. Finding pink stuff used to be a challenge and when something was found in a nifty pink, it was like finding a rosy little treasure.

I’m not here to bash on cancer awareness, believe me, especially not this month. However, after watching yet another pink boob cancer merchandise report on E! News tonight, I felt it was time to get out of my funk and do one of the things I do well, offer unbiased opinions on random topics using razor-sharp humor topped with colored, melancholy sprinkles.

Ah bloggy blog, how I’ve missed you so. I shall never lead you astray again.

So! Pink stuff for cancer awareness! I’m thrilled that the proceeds from these items go toward research and such, but why should we single out merely the breasts? Why not make a line of white kitsch for bone cancer research? How about a line of brown stuff for colon cancer awareness? Now, I realize that the phrase “line of brown stuff for colon cancer awareness” might be a bit crass for my classier readers (my sister-in-law), but I cracked myself up while writing it, especially on a subject that is so scary and claims the lives of good people every year. Cancer will claim an estimated 565,650 deaths in 2008, to be exact, and though that number is falling, it doesn’t bring back those who lost the battle.

Colon cancer awareness month should be in October, when the leaves are changing color and everything is brown and autumnesque anyway. Why not procure UPS as a sponsor? What can brown do for you? Make you aware of your colon, that’s what. Hell, throw in a UPS guy, a few Chocodiles and an early Zune and you’ve got the makings for a fantastic colon cancer awareness celebration. In fact, why not set up mobile colon screenings in the back of a UPS truck, then end the session with a Chocodile and a kiss (Hershey’s, of course), encouraging a probe for all. I can tell my marketing mind is racing now.

According to a February 2008 article in Science Daily, colorectal cancer incidence rates decreased from 1998 through 2004 in both males and in females, so I guess if you were diagnosed after 2004, you’re pretty much hosed. Bet you would have gotten checked out if you had your limited edition Ugg-sponsored colon cancer awareness boots! You wouldn’t be so hosed then, now would you?

I jest because this is all serious stuff, and my point is that we should be aware of all of it, regardless of pink, brown or polka-dot sponsored toaster ovens. We should continue raising awareness until there is a cure for any kind of cancer, because until that happens, we will continue to be affected— whether it happens to us or those we love. Take care of yourselves, get checked by a doctor, work out, eat as best as you can... I hear your pooper will thank you for it.

And, for the record, I will continue to buy pink stuff, regardless of what it signifies. Once girly, always girly.