Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Oh thank heaven... part deux

I joke fairly often about leaving flaming bags of poop on people's porches, ringing the bell and running away. I've never done this, but for some reason I always crack myself up at a visual of a flaming bag of poop. What's funnier than a fart? Poop, because it's like a fart, but solid. What's funnier than poop? Poop on fire. Maybe I have the same sense of humor as a seven-year-old boy, but sometimes it's the little things.

That said, I was a bit disheartened to watch the news and find out that Sandy, Utah police are looking for three men who allegedly put their poop in a 7-11 microwave oven and cooked it. This was the same convenience store location to where I rode my bike with friends on hot summer days for a frosty Slurpee treat. It's not like it was a bad part of town either, it was an extremely well-off community, and now the police are looking for men who bake their dookie there. At my old 7-11. The 7-11 of my youth.

I have to wonder, however, why this store said the microwave suffered $3,500 in damages. I lived at that 7-11 for a long time, buying Garbage Pail Kids, stockpiling Lik-M-Aid like it was going out of style (which I think it has at this point), but never once did the sum total of all the equipment there look like it was worth over three thousand dollars. Maybe it was the money lost when the store had to close for a long period of time to air out?

I guess this goes to show you can put a price on everything. It's $3,500 for a dirty 7-11 microwave. But what is the price for tarnishing fond childhood memories? Now that the summers of my youth at that 7-11 are gone, so also is the pure innocence of the flaming bag of poop.

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."
--"Ted" Theodore Logan, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

For another random 7-11 experience I had a few months ago, click here.


Anonymous said...

$3,500? For a microwave? You can get a brand new microwave from Amazon.com for $55. Sounds like 7-11 has an over-inflated sense of self-worth.

Holly B. said...

Kris: EXACTLY! And it's not like that 7-11 is the nicest ever, either.

1979 semi-finalist said...

there is a lot to be disturbed about in this article/story, however i am most disturbed by the phrase "their poop".

holly, please tell me this is a translation error. i mean it's one thing to be an idiot and find some gross dog poop in a yard and put that in a bag to take somehwere. it is a whole other thing to put your own (or your AND your friends - GROSS!) poop in a bag to take it somewhere.

please put my mind and ease hol. and then erase it, so that i can unsee this post...

Unknown said...

Kel: The story said, "human feces." I take that to mean "their poop." Don't shoot the messenger. :) It's true.