Thursday, November 08, 2007

Pucker up, buttercup!


I don't know how to get into this anecdote delicately, so I'll just spit it out (which is a great pun if I had already gotten into this story): According to the Associated Press, earlier this week a Seattle woman was accused of biting off her boyfriend's lip, spitting it out and later resisting arrest. Reading further into the story, we learn that the two were actually kissing in bed when she bit off the bottom lip and spit it to the floor. When the police showed up, they found the man sitting on the porch, bleeding, and found the lip in the bedroom upstairs, covered in cat hair. The lip could not be reattached, and the woman was later charged with domestic violence assault.

Like the Riddler in Batman, I've got "too many questions." Here's the thing, the story says the two were kissing in bed when things got interesting. 
Yeah, the lady obviously got all hot, but why wouldn't she feel awful when she bit off the lip? How could someone even get hot enough to bite off a lip? Apparently I've been with the wrong men because I've never bitten a lip all that hard, much less bite the damn thing all the way off.

What was the woman doing from the time the lip became a Carl's Jr. Six Dollar Burger and the police showed up? 
Why would she resist arrest?
If the two were in bed together, they obviously liked each other even just a little bit, why would the guy press charges?
Where was the cat in all of this?
Can they make prosthetic lips?
What if this guy is a trumpet player, can he claim worker's comp?
If the guy played clarinet and can't play anymore, is this actually a blessing in disguise?

I read stories like these and try to put myself in the situation, and in this one I simply can't. So, I Google things. I learned if you're ever in San Diego, you can check out "Lips: The Ultimate in Drag Dining." The immensely popular drag eatery features 14-foot martini glasses as decor, a very upscale and partially organic menu and more catty bitches in fishnets than a high school drill team.

I leave this post with but one thought, if you're lucky to get some tonight, be careful! And if you're not, please wrap any detached parts in ice.

4 comments:

NinjasOfLoretto said...

man, i can't unread this.

i had all your same questions...and yet still...no answers...

k

Darren said...

Morning Holly,

Not to be a ghoul, but as you were the best part of the Nightside Project, do you feel a little vindicated by the news of Castner's departure.

Darren

Holly said...

Kel: I know! I still thought about it this morning as I was putting on my lipstick. It's freaky, and the only thing I'm glad about is that the news hasn't tried showing any "television re-enactments." :)

Darren: I'm trying to figure out the most diplomatic way to answer that. One side of me felt really badly for a few minutes when I put myself back into a year ago when I lost my radio gig at this same time. I never like to hear about the demise of local radio programming, especially when the industry has recently changed so much. Then I thought about the individual who played a key part in putting me in that position last year, right after I lost my dad, right before the holidays and well, yeah, a little... closure, more than vindication, is the best way to put that. Eventually, I landed on my feet, I'm sure they will too.

Holly said...

...oh, and karma. I forgot about karma.