Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Make it so...

My dream is finally coming true, if only I lived near Burbank! A casting call was issued for people to play cadets in the new Star Trek movie. Here's the catch, the potential cadets need either be "ultra plain-looking" or "ultra perfect-looking." I can't decide in which category I'd fit, because some days I look in the mirror and go, "Ugh, I'm strange looking," but too weird for either "plain" or "perfect." Besides, what defines "ultra plain-" or "ultra perfect-looking?" What if somebody's "sorta' plain-ish?" What tips the scales and makes them less ultra-plain than a really ultra-plain person? A limp? What if they had a limp? Or does that just throw them over the edge to "super-coo coo-looking?" Am I over-thinking this?

Since I can't decide in which category I fit, and since that categorization seems to change for me from day to day, maybe I fit one of these other criteria:
  • Long neck
  • Extremely large head (Compared to what?)
  • Wide-set eyes or close-set eyes
  • Large forehead (Paging Tyra Banks, Miss Banks to your transporter, please.) 
  • Short upper lip (Just what is a short upper lip?)
  • Over- or under-sized ears and/or nose
  • Facial deformities
  • Pure, wholesome looks (I think I'm in!)
  • Emaciated
  • Regally poised and postured
So if you're interested in auditioning, take your freaky-assed, skinny, stick-up-the-keester, short-lipped self to Deep Space Nine! And while you're in Burbank, wave a big hello to the SoCal writers on strike for dealing with many of the real freaks in the industry.