The muppet is gone

When I first moved into where I live, now dubbed "Greg Brady Paradise," I went on a shopping spree to get as much faux fur or shag covered anything I could possibly find. After hitting some kind of warehouse sale, I found an enormous hot pink flokati body pillow which I used as a seat cushion for my 1970s retro love nook/fireplace lounge which is a major component to the kitschey-ness of where I live. Who doesn't love pink shag when you're living in a 1970s wood paneled oasis? Until today. Today I learned pink shag anything is a fantastic idea, unless you find out you've got a major Box Elder bug infestation for three months out of the year. If that's the case, you find out there are bug bodies embedded in the shag, too far for even a vacuum to suck. 

After finally getting a new dryer today, I went on a massive, house-wide cleaning and vacuuming kick. First stop, the love nook. After this summer's bug invasion, I was putting off the vacuuming of the six-million insect corpses that had collected in piles within said love nook. But today was the day. Into the nook for some major cleaning, and as I hoisted the fur body pillow off the built-in naugahyde banquette, it sounded like a rain stick. There were so many bugs that had crawled into the lining of the pillow and died that it actually made noise.

Much screaming and shouting of several four-letter words ensued, and I decided I had to part with the pink shag pillow. I couldn't have it in my house just knowing it was tainted with icky. I said a few kind words to honor the pink shag, and then I lovingly carried it outside, trying not to touch it too much because it was just disgusting.

As I lifted the hot pink fur maraca into the dumpster, I was hit by a wave of sadness. Nothing hot pink and furry should face such a horrible fate. I'll miss you hot pink furry shag body pillow, you held a special place in my heart and in my retro love nook, and I hope you have a better future than I could give you-- stuffed full of dead bug carcasses.