Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"This has grown tiresome..."

I loved Mike Meyers on SNL whenever he would play Dieter the host of Sprockets, an East German television show. I loved that they used a sped-up version of Kraftwerk's "Electric Cafe" as the theme song. I loved that John Malkovich was a regular "guest" on the show. I loved that they asked us to "touch their monkey." Mostly, I loved that whenever they were going to end the show, Dieter would announce, "This has grown tiresome. Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!" and black-clad beatnickesque dancers would fill the screen and Vogue. To Kraftwerk.

Admittedly, I've always had an active imagination: Sometimes on the way to work I pretend that I am in a play called "Work" where I am just one of a cast of colorful characters. Sometimes I get all dressed up, even when going to the grocery store, because I'm convinced that a scout from MTV will walk up to me in the Doritos aisle and insist I move to New York to be a VJ. (which is even more imaginative since MTV doesn't even play videos during waking hours anymore.) And sometimes when things in my life grow tiresome, I am on East German television and dancing and somehow it seems to make it all better.

But there are some things that grow so tiresome that dancing around in a black turtleneck and leggings simply won't make it better. I will now share for you the list of the top five things that have grown tiresome for me:

5.) I have grown tiresome of concerts with one guy and a guitar on the stage. I'm a little over John Mayer and is giant orange-on-a-toothpick cranium. I'm tired of Jason Mraz who I do not feel is "The Remedy" for anything. And even though Crosby Loggins (Kenny Loggins' son) is so very very cute (though not as cute as Kevin Rose), he sounds like the rest of them. I've even seen a few lately live, Matt Nathanson, Marc Broussard, and each one of them is as cookie cutter as the last. It makes me long even longlier for Devotchka later this month.

4.) I have grown tiresome of police officers in Utah who get convicted of sexual assault. In the last little while it seems this has been in the news quite a bit, including the Ogden officer who was previously a "hero" in helping out during the Trolley Square Mall shooting spree a couple of years ago. Then just today, a Murray Utah police officer was put on the other side of the cell when he was allegedly similarly stupid. I grow tiresome of this because I just want them to "Protect and Serve" and not "Protect, Serve and then when you're feeling safe, grope your titties."

3.) I have grown tiresome of shows on MTV. I didn't watch The Hills last season. I hate The City this season. I have no interest in Bromance in any season. Daddy's Girls is right out.

2.) Coming up with five things that have truly grown tiresome... Guess I'm gong to stop now. Guess things really aren't that irritating after all.

Kevin Rose, I will never grow tired of watching Diggnation.