Thursday, January 31, 2008

It's always the quiet ones...


Today's lesson? Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Be it a trendy new drink or, say, trying to force a connection with a person. After all, you know what they say paves the road to Hell.


Take this phone conversation I had a couple of months ago (which means enough time has passed that my personal statute of blogability feels it's time to post this outrageous dialogue). Mind you, this was with someone whom I had known for roughly three weeks prior to what you are about to read, and we hung out maybe four times-- two of which were with a group of at least ten people. Without further adieu:

Him: Are you spiritual?

Me: Ummm, notsomuch. Never have been. In fact, even less so that I wasn't previously.

Him: What about guardian angels?

Me: (For dinner? Simply tasty with a nice vinaigrette!) Ummmmmmmm, nope. Come to think of it, if guardian angels actually do exist, I feel some have been seriously slacking since really bad stuff happens to really good people.

Him: I don't go to church. but I'm spiritual...

Me: (slightly irritated sigh) Umhum...

Him: ...I say prayers and stuff every night...

Me: (slightly more irritated sigh) Ummmmhuumm...

Him: ...like last night. I was laying in bed and had a conversation with your father.

Me: (Extreme irritation with a four-alarm red flags coupled with neck hairs standing on end and dancing jigs to a bad music remake from Kids Incorporated) I've got to go now.

Let's be honest. Nobody has been able to have a conversation with Dadoo for a little over a year now. If he was going to converse with anyone at this point, that would take an act much creepier than I'd like to know. In fact, I found this guy's bedtime conversation with my dead relatives to be extremely messed up and presumptuous. Did I mention I had known this guy for less than a month and had only hung out four times?

A friend of mine had a great comment to the above conversation. 
"In the past I used to wait until at LEAST the fifth date before channeling my girlfriend's relatives and then casually bringing it up to her in conversation. I saw that on Loveline once. And if anyone knows relationship advice, it's Dr. Drew."

Good point, and I'll take it one step further. Like new Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper, just because it sounds like a good idea to reveal something strange, doesn't necessarily mean you should. (Incidentally, new Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper is not worth the money spent for the novelty of drinking a "Limited Edition" soda. Save some money and drink toilet cleaner instead.)

4 comments:

AmandaStretch said...

Seriously. Where do people like that come from? Psych ward - STAT!

As for Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper - that's just too many flavors for me at one time. Don't they already brag having 23 flavors or something?

People are weird. The End.

dolt said...

Where are your spontaneous combustion powers when you need them?
Give people like this a diet Dr. Pepper Chery Chocolate and tell them to step off.

Holly said...

Stretch: 23 glorious flavors that do NOT need more cherry and/or chocolate. You're absolutely right.

Dolt: I know, I need to work on my Mortal Kombat Sonja powers straight away! What would be great is if I could figure out how to light aflame the rest of this horrible 12-pack of Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper as a means of alternative energy.

1979 semi-finalist said...

OMG. Wow. And this relates to your post of Tuesday to me because I now feel compelled to echo you and say "I love NOT being single"...not that it completely keeps the creeps away, but I think my percentages are greatly lowered.