Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Not a Drag...

Hi. My name is Holly and I'm a reality television-aholic. I never realized I had it this bad. Until tonight. Tonight I have to fully disclose this addiction.

At first, it started out with an occasional episode of Survivor, maybe a little Fear Factor here and there in the early 2000s, but as reality shows became more popular, I found myself watching more. Soon, I learned I needed more reality television, campier reality television, the more awful reality TV the better, to get my fix. In my life, I have sat through entire seasons of bad reality shows like Top Design, Shear Genius and even The Pick-Up Artist.

I have seen entire marathons of MTV's My Super Sweet 16, three seasons of Rock of Love, every dance show out there: So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing with the Stars, Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew. You name the reality show, and I've watched at least one episode. I watch back-to-back episodes of America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Tori and Dean. On occasion, I watch lesser-known reality shows like MTV's True Life or Two-a-Days or A&E's Vegas Showgirls: Nearly Famous, sometimes even Bravo's Work Out will satiate my craving. Occasionally, I will watch a show on television, while watching another online-- only occasionally though.

I have watched Britney Spears' Chaotic. I have watched Cathouse. That said, I do have standards. I will not sit through anything with Scott Baio, Dr. Drew, any married Bradys or combinations thereof.

I believe my love for reality television started way before the reality trend of the early 2000s. It's possible my obsession began in the 80s with Battle of the Network Stars. I used to watch those stars in their glittery leotards while they flew through the air with the greatest of ease, and I would sometimes pretend I was a competitor. Sometimes I still dream of glittery leotards and wish I was an American Gladiator, but that's more disclosure than I would like to admit right now. I can't pinpoint the precise time when I first started consuming reality TV, but I know I can't stop. I know I've seen it all. That is, I thought I had seen it all until tonight.

Tonight I saw something that boggled my mind. It rocked my reality television world. I will never be the same. Tonight, I watched my first episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.

RuPaul's Drag Race, where I heard RuPaul say that the winner will be the next drag superstar and be, "hotter than Tyra wearing a fat suit in July." Yes, RuPaul tells the would-be stars to "work it, girl." And I want to "work it" as well. If RuPaul's Drag Race is wrong, I don't want to be right.

The basic premise of the show is that the girls complete challenges, then are judged by RuPaul in a final lip synch show where they "lip synch for their life," and in the end, one queen is eliminated. It's your basic reality show formula, but in this show, the loser is told to "Sashay away."

So my reality television obsession continues, and one day the desire might be quelled. Until then, I will stick with RuPaul. Yes, I will "Shantay and stay."


1979 semi-finalist said...

While I can't compete in your category, I do watch a lot more reality television than I ever thought I would.

I try to keep it to the shows that I genuinely think are good (Project Runway, Top Chef, and my recent discover of the BBC's Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares - which is brilliant and makes the American version look like - well it's not polite to say what it makes it look like).

But I definitely get caught up in the trappings of other "horrible" reality tv. They may not get tivo'd but they definitely get watched too much.

I speak with shame about seeing an entire season of Bret Michael's Rock of Love (second season) and with even greater shame to seeing several episodes of Bred Michael's Rock of Love Bus (or whatever the hell it's called). And here's what I want to know after watching that show...when did it actually become a legitimate career move for a young woman to just be a whore? Not a prostitute or hooker or whatever (which I can actually respect in a way - and also have sympathy for), but just a run of the mill trampy whore?

That show makes me laugh...and then it makes me very very sad and very very scared for the world...

Holly said...

Hey now, Kelly, Bret's bodyguard Big John told the girls not to act slutty...

Jaime said...

Wait, you shun Scott Baio, Dr. Drew, any married Bradys or combinations thereof yet you indulge with Britney? For shame!

Holly said...

Jaime- Scott Baio is just mean. He's just mean. I can't watch him without thinking, "Yup, I've dated THAT before."

Britney is just comedy gold!

Jaime said...

Okay, fair enough.

I suppose I can't really throw stones considering I just finished Real Housewives of the OC the other day. (!!)