Damn right I'll trust the Gorton's fisherman...

I was watching tv the other day and for some reason was drawn to one of the new Gorton's fish stick commercials. I've never eaten fish sticks, my mom never fixed fish sticks and I've never gazed upon fish sticks in my grocer's freezer. Yet yesterday I sat in front of the television, unable to change the channel during a Gorton's commercial because it was a thing of beauty.

The new Gorton's fisherman is smoking hot.

For a long time, I seem to remember the old Gorton's fisherman was just a crunchy man of the sea. Maybe I'm getting old, maybe my taste in men is changing, but I never wanted to eat a frozen fish fillet off of someone's stomach so badly as I did when I saw the new Gorton's fisherman. I actually considered going grocery shopping for some fish sticks because I was so motivated by the new Gorton's fisherman. Then I realized I'm a lemming, a fish stick lemming, persuaded by advertising to buy frozen fish pimped out by a hot guy in a cableknit sweater.

Researching further, I realized I was right. Apparently since women do most of the country's grocery shopping, the Gorton's folks are banking on the persuasiveness of a hot man clad in yellow rubber. The new Gorton's fisherman is part of Gorton's ploy to thrust popularity back into frozen fish sticks. And God bless them for it, I believe the new Gorton's fisherman can thrust whatever he'd like to thrust.

(If you want to see this quick little documentary about choosing the new Gorton's fisherman, click hamptons.plumtv.com I tried embedding the video, but it has an autoplay feature which would subject all three of my readers to instant bagpipe music.)

Update: 10:41 pm, just saw a different new Gorton's fisherman commercial while watching a depressingly abysmal show on the WE (Women's Entertainment) Channel. It's confirmed, I really need something, even if it's just a frozen sea-product. This time the commercial is for Shrimp Temptations. The new Gorton's fisherman can tempt my... oh, never mind.