Friday, October 23, 2009

My best vampires ever



On Mental Floss today there was a blog post where Miss Cellania listed her favorite vampires and I was disappointed with her selections. While I agree with some of the choices (Count Chocula), I felt the majority were too obvious (Vlad Tepes III a.k.a. Vlad the Impaler, Nosferatu, Elvira). Though the author did acknowledge Blacula, I feel there are many vampires who are often overlooked and who deserve a list of their own.

I am here to provide the better list.

Because I'm a goth trapped in sheep's clothing.

Here they are in no particular order:

"David" in The Lost Boys: Keifer Sutherland's portrayal of the motorcycle/vampire gang leader is beautifully, wonderfully creepy. Forget modern-day vampires who glitter in the sun, David's meticulously coiffed platinum mullet glistens in the moonlight. Plus the death scene where he gets impaled with a pair of deer antlers is gross while awesome. I would gladly let Keifer bite my neck while 80s-tastic song Cry Little Sister played in the background.


"Mick St. John" in Moonlight: Not to be confused with the lame-ass 80s sitcom Moonlighting, This short-lived television series was one of the best things that happened to CBS last year. While it was canceled after one season, I quickly fell into lust with vampire private investigator Mick played by the gorgeous Alex O'Loughlin. He had that perfect combination of hypnotic sexy mystery that I crave in a vampire, and he looked fantastic in the episode where he did push-ups without his shirt. Now my Friday night CBS viewing is limited to Ghost Whisperer where, thankfully, Jennifer Love Hewitt does not do push-ups without her shirt.

Dracula in Animanicas Season 1, episode 29 Draculee, Dracula: When Yakko, Wakko and Dot travel to Transylvania instead of Pennsylvania, they meet Dracula whom they assume is Amish. Hilarity ensues. This is also one of a few episodes where they refer to Dracula as "Dadoo," which I called my own dad who was not a vampire. Nor Amish. Here's a sample of the dialogue that makes this episode brilliant:
Wakko: [talking about Dracula] That guy sure dresses funny.
Dot: This is Pennsylvania, Wakko. He's probably Amish.
Yakko: I'll handle him. I saw Witness twice.
In this episode, Dot also refers to herself as Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francescia Banana Fanna Fo Fesca the Third. Which I can rattle off the tip of my tongue from memory. If this is an indicator as to the types of shows I watched as a kid, is there any wonder why I'm a randomly quirky adult? Nope, didn't think so.

Bunnicula: This vampire bunny stars in many childrens' books as a family pet who sucks the juice out of vegetables. The other family pets don't know how to deal with Bunnicula and are afraid that he is evil. My favorite book in the series is The Celery Stalks at Midnight where the paranoid family pets believe that all the de-juiced veggies are actually Bunnicula's army of undead and find a giant white carrot who they think is the army's leader. Turns out the giant white carrot is just a carrot cake covered with cream cheese frosting. Now that's comedy gold. Childrens' books just aren't the same nowadays.
(For those keeping track, I love carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and my birthday is a month away.)

Mina Harker in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: This movie was a total cinematic suck-fest, but Peta Wilson's portrayal of Mina was casting genius. Okay, so maybe I just have girl-crush on Peta Wilson because she played Nikita in USA Network's La Femme Nikita series. Maybe I want to be Nikita. Maybe I think I would be an excellent super spy who kicks ass and looks fabulous while doing it. I also think that La Femme Nikita had probably one of the best uses of music throughout each episode, and the entire cast was stunning. A little part of me died when USA Network canceled Nikita; yes, in a twist of irony Nikita was canceled. (And that was probably the best obscure reference you'll read all day, kids. See, when bad operatives in the show were executed, they were referred to as "canceled." See? Irony? Nikita was canceled? Oh shut up.) Wait, did I digress? Oh yeah. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was a suck-fest, but Peta Wilson is an absolute goddess.

So I hope this gets you in the mood for your spooky Halloween celebrations coming up this week. I'm going to watch La Femme Nikita now.

3 comments:

VilaD said...

I'll go along with you on Mina Harker.

David....eh....I guess.

Your other choices are after my time, lol

One before your time,(sort of) but well done, was Frank Langella as Count Dracula in a remake of Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1979. Frank Langella was so HOT in that movie.

Chelsea said...

omg. i totally remember Bunnicula!!!!! i never would have without this post though. haha. awesome.

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