Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Take them how you will

Just some random thoughts for your Wednesday night pleasure... take them how you will.

1. No matter how sweaty you get at the gym, do not blot your disgusting face with cheapo toilet paper from the bathroom stall. You'll only end up looking like you've had a horrible shaving accident, and you will not realize this until after you've walked back out through the gym and are sitting in the car.

2. If you are dating someone and that someone happens to die, do not keep their old bras out on your shed workbench. It will make the person you might later date question your affection for them, and that will be the start of a slow spiral down the proverbial relationship toilet. Until it flushes and it's gone.

3. Thank goodness for fast-thinking friends who come up with the idea to use a towel to slide and carry a television. That's right! If you feel that number two pertains to you, then you're the same person from whom I stole said tv-moving towel! Bwahahahahahaaa! I also borrowed a bottle of wine from you, and it was the best wine I've ever had.

4. Is Ouija necessarily bad? Is it only bad if the walls begin to bleed? What if I use Ouija and my dad tells me from the "other side" that he saw me borrow wine and take a towel?

5. Power outages and elliptical trainers do not mix well. If the power goes out while you are climbing at a 10 and the machine stops, you will get suddenly launched over the front. Red wine and someone else's Xanax prescription do not mix well either.

Only one more week until I leave for Philly. I'm excited to room with the life-saving towel-stealing accomplice. It will also be a much-needed diversion right now as I get into Fall and the one-year anniversary of some ultimate sadness.


Sonia Quiroga Thomas "La Guru" said...

hi girl

from where did you came up with such a fun ideas?

NinjasOfLoretto said...

this was surprisingly random/deep. you have a great way with words hol. have you ever considered writing short fiction? it's totally not rewarding (monetarily or otherwise) but you have a great voice for it i think.


urban princess said...

Hey, I'm full of ideas. Can't wait for Philly, either. I'm glad I'll a Saucy Trollop accomplice.

Holly said...

Sonia- I'm random. ;) Though I did have a mastermind behind the towel.

Ninjas- Thank you! I started writing a book of random things like this probably ten years ago, to no avail. Once you have a bunch of words put together, what do you do with them? Write a blog, I guess.

UP- One week. One damn week... I think I can make it!

NinjasOfLoretto said...

holly -

just realized you probably don't know Ninjas of Loretto is me, Kelly (of 1979 semifinalist). i used to have a blog on blogger under the ninjas handle...sorry i didn't clarify! if you really have a book of stuff you should consider submitting some of it somewhere - you've got a great personal sound. as i said earlier though, lots of work and little reward (i speak from experience...sort of). anyway, have fun in philly - i'll wave to you from nyc.


Holly said...

Kel! I knew it was you, I just can't believe you! YOU are the goddess writer, and I'm taken aback by your compliments.

Where do I submit writings? To whom? Ideas?

NinjasOfLoretto said...

well i'm not sure what you're writing...if it's short fiction and it's in a contemporary voice (the way your blog is) then i'd suggest: McSweeney's; Swink; The Paris Review; Pearl; The Stinging Fly; Fence; Tin House; Ploughshares; The Harvard Review; Bust; Story Quarterly, One Story, Zoetrope; The Threepenny Review (all of these are pretty high end and can be difficult to get into...some more than others) but the real bitch of it is that you pretty much have to research each one, both in checking them out to see if they are something that might work for you and your work and also what their guidelines are. like bastards they all have different rules (all similar but often slightly different) and everyone of them has specific "reading periods" etc. i wasn't kidding when i said it was work intensive and mostly reward free :) but if you feel you're lacking some masochistic features in your life...join me!

hope you're having/had a great trip.

(i tried like mad to log into my gmail/blogger no sorry for the anonymous post).

Holly said...

You're a goddess and always have been. Thanks for the ideas.

I'm staying here in Mass for a bit longer than I anticipated, so I'm going to have some time to check out your suggestions.

Love, Hol